(this is a picture of ONE of my buggies (i sometimes have 2) full afer i pull the toddler child from sitting in the middle of the mix)
Going grocery shopping is on my list of torturous activities. I would rank it over having bamboo shoots shoved under my fingernails, or shock therapy. I have mastered my craft well considering my circumstances. For the untrained soul who would dare take my children into a public setting to fill a buggy with 2 weeks of food would surely end up being admitted to the nearest loony bin. I have requested I be sent there myself to ease my nerves, but alas... I am refused each time i show up.
With school being out and a busy Saturday last week that prevented me from going solo to the store, I was at a crossroads. We had been out of milk for days and popcorn and watermelon (thanks Kelly) can only count as a dinner so many times a week before it gets a bit...well,... redundant, a trip to the land of neon lights and unsanitary shopping carts was evident.
The storm clouds had been looming over our house for a few days and I realized then and there, that the weather was just setting the stage for a real-life made for TV special... starring yours truly, the frazzled mother and her three monkeys... (Larry, Moe, & Curly) at the store.
We entered with smiles, and promises of goodies if everyone helped mommy get thru the store quickly so we could get home and go swimming. Sounded like a pretty sweet deal to me. I like to start at the back of the store with the dairy and work my way forward so produce and bread are the last things i pick up to avoid squishes.... As i got to the back i realized I would probably need two buggies for this adventure... I
ask the 1st grader to run to the front and grab one more buggy. Ofcourse he is always excited when he has the opportunity to be big and help. He takes off down isle 6 and decides he wants to do it with flair, so he takes a great big running start so he can wheel on his shoes all the way to where the buggies are... He got three good giant running steps in before everything turned into sssssllllllooooooooooowwww-moootioooonnnn! Both legs wheeled forward, then back, his arms were flapping like bird taking flight and in one swoop, he landed face first on isle 6, right smack dab between the peanut butter and jelly.... Being the kind, caring, affectionate mother i am, i run to him and say, "hurry, get up, before any more people see u lying on the ground." No harm done, he was fine, a little bruised pride in his "heeley" skills and we were off to an amazing start for our day of grocery shopping.
A few minutes later we were entering the cereal isle, one of my boys favorites. Our cereal of choice (honey nut cheerios) is located halfway down the isle... In order to get there I had to maneuver around a family that was stopped, they seemed to be searching their basket for something.... The toddler was standing in the back anchored down by various food items... as we slowed down to pass the family the toddler wined up with his hand and SPANKS the larger woman that was bending over her buggy! yikes! She looks up startled and i say quickly to the child..."what do you say???" he looks at her and says..."HI"... This is when a loud buzzer should of sounded and Alex Trebek appears and says..."no, I'm sorry, the answer we were looking for was... What is I'm sorry, Excuse me, Pardon Me or Even... MY BAD!" not "hi". I apologized to the woman who still seemed a bit dazed that a 2 1/2 yr old had spanked her... (above photo: the toddler aka the SPANKER!)
(below 1st grader and Middle Child)
Ready to get out as quickly as possible i run to the produce section and snag 4 or 5 plastic bags (so i can quickly get my veggies and GO) and hand them to all the boys to hold...(they love doing this). I lean over to grab carrots when i hear the produce man in a frenzy yelling at what seems to be MY general area... I look up and realize toddler has put the plastic bag over his head and is laughing and saying, "look mommy!" i quickly remove the bag while the man explains to me how dangerous that is... "really? no kidding. *gasp* you don't say?" ofcourse it is... do you think i trained my child to do that mister???? as i am having this "pleasant" conversation i notice out of the corner of my eye that the first grader is tying the bag around the middle child's ankles and telling him to run. WHOSE CHILDREN ARE THESE????
One more store is marked off on my list of public places i can no longer show my face unless disguised and last night while i was brushing my hair, i think i noticed a bald spot... is this perhaps from my day at the store with my ANGELS????
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