Birthday Fun and Cigarettes

NOTE: The 1st grader will be moving on to 2nd grade and turning eight next month, therefore he will now be known simply as the "8 yr old", and the others, Middle Child will go by "4yr old", and Toddler "2 yr old".....

This morning I sat down with the 7 yr old and helped him plan his 8th birthday.  We discussed making it a family party, a slumber party, a chuckie cheese party, etc.  We don't have parties very often, but 8 is a big year for our family so we feel the need to celebrate it in a BIG way.  He loves the idea of people coming to his party and bringing gifts and singing to him while he blows out the candles.  He is beside himself with excitement!  While planning the party and the activities we would do, he made a recommendation,  "you know mom, if anyone comes and forgets to bring a present, we can take them to the store so they can buy one." In his almost 8 yr old mind this was a very logical explanation just in case anyone forgot to bring a gift in his honor.  I tried to suppress the smile and told him we probably wouldn't be doing that.  He looked at me confused and responded simply with concern on his face, "oh mom, don't worry, I'll stay home so it will still be a surprise. You can go with them and just show them what I like."   The sweet innocence of my children moves me to great smiles on a daily basis.

In our home we try and teach health and wellness (when we aren't feeding them burgers and fries and cherry soda).  A big one in our home is that smoking is bad for you.  In my little children's minds (the 4 and 2 yr olds) cigarettes and alcohol are just about as bad as it gets and therefore if they see someone with them they are immediately a "bad guy".  In children's minds things are either black or white.  It is either good or bad.  We try to explain that good people can make bad decisions.  We all do.  But no matter how many times i explain that everyone who smokes isn't bad, the concept has yet to sink in.  Let me explain:

My boys LOVE to wrestle, as a matter of fact, they are doing it now at my feet while i type.  There is nothing else they would rather do then roll around on the beds and floor and backyard and scrap to their hearts content.  Recently I have noticed a regular phrase the 4 yr old likes to use while trying to take out his big brother (that is twice his size)

4yr old: "I've got you now bad guy.  you have cigarettes don't you? (while he tries to put his big bro in a headlock)"

--his face is beat red and the seriousness it like no other. the 7 yr old finds this to be hilarious and begins to laugh so hard that it enrages the 4 yr old even more.--

so he continues....

4yr old: "where are they? where are the cigarettes??... Oh, so you aren't going to talk and just laugh?  I'll bet they are in your car aren't they?? .... (more laughs from the 7 yr old)... yea, that's what i thought bad guy!"

My boys love each other so much.  Their sweet innocence is so fun AND funny to watch.  If only this simple way of thinking was always so. 

The vallet in the expensive suit

Recently we had the opportunity to attend the swearing in of a good friend to a judgeship in our city.  Because we are close family friends I called ahead in regards to the boys attending, and they said, absolutely!  Reluctantly I agreed and dressed the boys and prepared for the dinner.  We arrived exactly at the time appointed (which is late in my book) and the place was packed.  We stood just outside the hall where the ceremony was taking place directly across from our soon to be new state senator.... STRIKE ONE-YIKES!  To my dismay, I see ALMOST NO CHILDREN... STRIKE TWO-DOUBLE YIKES!!  The area is decorated nicely and everyone is dressed well.  White tablecloths, little twinkle lights... the whole shebang.  You know that feeling of showing up to something totally underdressed.... we were dressed fine, but that was the pure horror i was feeling as i begged and pleading with my children to please stop acting their age and for heaven's sake... PRETEND LIKE U ARE THIRTY!!!

Luckily I had a tractor book in my purse that i hoped would keep the troops under wraps for the 30 min presentation... If under control means taking turns beating each other over the head until the other screams... then my job would of been done... I was mortified!!

Next as a lady passed us to go back to her seat the toddler(2) decides to grab her skirt and lift it for the senator and every other member of the chamber of commerce behind us.

As we prepared to leave we notice that it was pouring down rain.  So the middle child (4) leans over to the man standing at the door in the very nice power suit, "so, can you go and get our car?..thanks!"  I know I cannot show my face in any grocery store, but i now have political events to add to my list....!!! aaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Grocery Store "FUN"

(this is a picture of ONE of my buggies (i sometimes have 2) full afer i pull the toddler child from sitting in the middle of the mix)

Going grocery shopping is on my list of torturous activities.  I would rank it over having bamboo shoots shoved under my fingernails, or shock therapy.  I have mastered my craft well considering my circumstances.  For the untrained soul who would dare take my children into a public setting to fill a buggy with 2 weeks of food would surely end up being admitted to the nearest loony bin.  I have requested I be sent there myself to ease my nerves, but alas... I am refused each time i show up.

With school being out and a busy Saturday last week that prevented me from going solo to the store, I was at a crossroads.  We had been out of milk for days and popcorn and watermelon (thanks Kelly) can only count as a dinner so many times a week before it gets a bit...well,... redundant, a trip to the land of neon lights and unsanitary shopping carts was evident.

The storm clouds had been looming over our house for a few days and I realized then and there, that the weather was just setting the stage for a real-life made for TV special... starring yours truly, the frazzled mother and her three monkeys... (Larry, Moe, & Curly) at the store. 

We entered with smiles, and promises of goodies if everyone helped mommy get thru the store quickly so we could get home and go swimming.  Sounded like a pretty sweet deal to me.  I like to start at the back of the store with the dairy and work my way forward so produce and bread are the last things i pick up to avoid squishes.... As i got to the back i realized I would probably need two buggies for this adventure... I

ask the 1st grader to run to the front and grab one more buggy.  Ofcourse he is always excited when he has the opportunity to be big and help.  He takes off down isle 6 and decides he wants to do it with flair, so he takes a great big running start so he can wheel on his shoes all the way to where the buggies are... He got three good giant running steps in before everything turned into sssssllllllooooooooooowwww-moootioooonnnn! Both legs wheeled forward, then back, his arms were flapping like bird taking flight and in one swoop, he landed face first on isle 6, right smack dab between the peanut butter and jelly.... Being the kind, caring, affectionate mother i am, i run to him and say, "hurry, get up, before any more people see u lying on the ground." No harm done, he was fine, a little bruised pride in his "heeley" skills and we were off to an amazing start for our day of grocery shopping. 

A few minutes later we were entering the cereal isle, one of my boys favorites.  Our cereal of choice (honey nut cheerios) is located halfway down the isle... In order to get there I had to maneuver around a family that was stopped, they seemed to be searching their basket for something.... The toddler was standing in the back anchored down by various food items... as we slowed down to pass the family the toddler wined up with his hand and SPANKS the larger woman that was bending over her buggy! yikes! She looks up startled and i say quickly to the child..."what do you say???" he looks at her and says..."HI"... This is when a loud buzzer should of sounded and Alex Trebek appears and says..."no, I'm sorry, the answer we were looking for was...  What is I'm sorry, Excuse me, Pardon Me or Even... MY BAD!" not "hi".  I apologized to the woman who still seemed a bit dazed that a 2 1/2 yr old had spanked her...

(above photo: the toddler aka the SPANKER!)

                                                                                                        (below 1st grader and Middle Child)

Ready to get out as quickly as possible i run to the produce section and snag 4 or 5 plastic bags (so i can quickly get my veggies and GO) and hand them to all the boys to hold...(they love doing this).  I lean over to grab carrots when i hear the produce man in a frenzy yelling at what seems to be MY general area... I look up and realize toddler has put the plastic bag over his head and is laughing and saying, "look mommy!" i quickly remove the bag while the man explains to me how dangerous that is... "really? no kidding. *gasp* you don't say?" ofcourse it is... do you think i trained my child to do that mister???? as i am having this "pleasant" conversation i notice out of the corner of my eye that the first grader is tying the bag around the middle child's ankles and telling him to run.  WHOSE CHILDREN ARE THESE???? 

One more store is marked off on my list of public places i can no longer show my face unless disguised and last night while i was brushing my hair, i think i noticed a bald spot... is this perhaps from my day at the store with my ANGELS????

Sunday Afternoons

Yesterday I spent the day in the kitchen cooking fun goodies for our two guests that joined us for "dinner/lunch".  The weather here is too hot to play outside so alternatives must be made in order to keep the troops happy.  Yesterday I was busy in the kitchen and didn't have time to roll around on the floor with the boys.  So i sent them to the playroom and suggested they play with their toys...(something they rarely do).. To my dismay I was interrupted for 45 min straight with, "he's touching me." "he licked my face." "he's breathing my air."... Until I snapped... I sent all three to the playroom to put their noses in a corner and told not to "move so much as a muscle or so help me..." This form of parenting is wrong on so many levels, but it's a scientifically proven formula that works magically for me, and I'll explain why.  **Please don't tell parenting magazine** If i send them to corners in the playroom will they stay put? Yea, for about a minute and a half.  But because they think they are in trouble they will begin to play quietly and form a bond against the common enemy (in this case... mom) and laugh and giggle and carry on together all the while thinking i have no clue what is really going on.  Soon an hour will pass and they will still be going strong thinking they are so sly to be playing when they are suppose to be in time out.  Is this wrong of me? Perhaps.  Is is worth it? Absolutely.  Will it kick me in the rear later? I'd like to not think about it. 

As I listened to my little monkeys laughing so hard and using their imaginations, it took me back to Sunday afternoons for me as a child.  My dad was a pilot in the military.  I call him Papa.  We moved around frequently with his job.  One place we were stationed was Germany.  There, we lived on the German economy (that means off base).  We lived in a little German village.  Our landlord was German, our neighbors were German, the local shops surrounding us... ALL GERMAN.  Our landlord even owned A GERMAN shepherd (named Dina that chased me once, but that is a funny story for another time... I'm getting off track, where was I? Oh, yes, no friends in Germany.)  This was a wonderful experience for us to be a part of.  However, when it came time for the weekend or summer vacation... all we had were each other.  I am the oldest of four children.  I have three younger brothers: The Pilot (3 yrs younger), Mr. Fun Time (4 1/2 yrs younger), and Yenni (7 yrs younger).  We had one channel to watch on TV...(which cut off after a certain time and nothing good was ever on) and a backyard with a cherry tree we could climb, one single metal swing, and the tramp (trampoline).  We had to use our imagination.  We were sent outside to play for hours it seemed to get out from under my mom's nose and we would come up with all sorts of fun games to play.  Sunday's were the funnest.  Because we were suppose to be having quiet time and resting... but like my children, we would laugh and crack up and do all sorts of silly games while we were suppose to be "resting".  Here are a few: 

1. The Hidden Ball
We would put our feet inside our pillowcases (with the pillow still in it) and pretend like they were hockey pads, and shove couch pillows up our shirts.  We weren't allowed to play with "balls" inside the house, so we would find things we could wad up to make balls and chuck them across the room.  When the players on the other side of the room found it, we would them have to hide it in various places (ie: behind our knee) while the other team tackled you in search for THE HIDDEN BALL.  It was lots of fun.  It usually got out of hand, but until then, it was always fun!

2. Salarina
Mr. Fun Time has always been the comedian of the family (though we all like to think we can make others laugh).  We thrive on making each other's sides hurt or gag from laughing too hard.  It's what makes our family "tick".  The Pilot and I always took advantage of this opportunity with Mr. Fun Time.  We would find baby blankets and old dresses and shoes and dress him up like a little lady, and call him Salarina.  We would make him talk like a little girl and prance around with a wrist cocked all while rolling on the floor from laughter.  We only got to do this one a few times before he refused to do it anymore... To this day he still denies he ever did it.

4. Hard Hat Heidi
We took many vacations while we were in Germany.  The place we went most was Holland.  On our trips my mom would buy little games for us to play in the car.  One was a memory game with different characters you had to match up.  One of the characters was Hard Hat Heidi.  My brother's thought the picture was hilarious so I was then on named Hard Hat Heidi.  We would play tag (where i was always "it") and i chased them around endlessly while they yelled, "oh no! hard hat heidi is going to get us!!"  The game never really stopped, ofcourse- because i was always "it", and we would pick up the game each time we wanted to play tag.  This game continued on for YEARS.

When I think back to these times, it truly warms my heart.  Playing with my brothers are one of my fondest memories of growing up.  Sitting around the dinner table when we are together and talking about the past after a meal is THE BEST!

I love you Mom, Papa, The Pilot, Mr. Fun Time, & Yenni

What Having Boys Means...

I decided to compile some pictures from the last few days to paint a picture of what a normal day consists of around here....

Having a boy means....

When your four year old middle child yells, "Come outside mom and watch what i can do!" you applaud at his skill and tell him to hold that pose so you can go and grab your camera.  (Shoes always optional when riding, it helps with the grips on the bike rail)

Having a boy means....

Finding them on top of the strangest things... In this case the top of the washing machine, watching the spin cycle for fun.

Having a (Big) boy means.....

When driving in the country and see a timber-rattler on the road, naturally we must quickly pull over, smash his head with a big rock and bring it over to the vehicle to teach the little grasshoppers how to differentiate between poisonous and non.  (Please note: we only kill dangerous snakes, others we let slither around to kill rats and other rodents) 

Having a boy means....

When driving down the road and one yells from the back... "I have to go to the bathroom!"... It simply means pulling over to the side of the road, and not having the hassle of dealing with gross gas station bathroom facilities.

OH HOW I LOVE HAVING MY BOYS!!!

Shmorgishborg "SH"undays

On Sunday after church we usually have our big meal for the day, which leaves the rest of the day to spend time with one another and rest for the upcoming week.  Because lunch doesn't usually happen til later and the meal is big... it throws off our eating schedule for the rest of the day.  We have created a tradition I like to refer to as "Shmorgishborg SHundays".  Now to understand what I am talking about you have to know what the word Shmorgishborg means...I grew up using the word with my family. It's urban slang... so why I used it while growing up in a home where manners were very important and we tried to speak with correct english
... I'LL NEVER KNOW!

 So here is the URBAN def:

 The combinations of leftover dinners put into one dish when you have nothing left to eat.

child: "hey mom, what's for dinner?"

mom: "oh, we're just having shmorgishborg"

While i do not throw all my leftovers into one dish, you will see from the pics it's an array of food.  It's a "Maw Maw" menu if i've ever seen one.  (Maw Maw is my dad's mom, she is wonderful.  You never know what you would get while sitting down for dinner at her table.  Spaghetti and lays potato chips was a common combo)  So this post is for my maw maw (my dad's mom) and papa (my dad).  Just a trip down memory lane.

(What's for dinner? you ask)

1. My festive flag plates. The only clean dishes I had in the cupboard, since I hadn't run the dishwasher all weekend.

2. Smoked BBQ ribs from a fundraiser from a local school.

3. A "shmorishborg" punch that the hubs wouldn't touch because "it just didn't taste right" (I don't blame him... I had a little bit of apple juice left and a little bit of pink country time lemonade that i mixed together.  Punch?..more like concoction)

4. Left over Domino's pizza from the night before the boys ate with a sitter.

5. Lays Potato Chips and Onion Dip (A must thanks to maw maw)

6. The rest of a summer sausage, crackers, meat and cheese.

7. Carrots and Bell Peppers (because we had to have a veggie)

(The first grader helping set the table)

While taking this shot the two little monkeys were washing their hands preparing for dinner.  30 seconds after this picture was taken... the toddler climbed into his high chair for the festivities (because meal time is always a carnival here).  He was so excited about SHMORGISHBORG punch he took the liberty to fill his own cup.  Not only did he fill the cup, but he filled the entire table and floor underneath him.  WHAT A MESS!!  The meal you see so neatly placed was suddenly floating in SHMORGISHBORG punch...GROSS!  No, i don't have a picture of that because suddenly I was trying to rescue the ribs, chips, crackers and pizza from the lake that appeared.  All the while the toddler is saying... "uh-oh mommy, I made a mess.  uh-oh mommy, no, I fix it." Towels we use to keep my chairs clean were snatched down and the cleaning began just in time for hubs to walk in the door and see us scattering like ants.  

The good news is, is that the meal was saved.  The SHMORGISHBORG punch that the hubs wasn't fit to drink anyways had just enuf for only the little boys to drink (which they LOVED, ofcourse...it's sugar) and we had a good laugh afterward.  I left the dry sticky floor to be mopped monday morning before the boys got up so I could enjoy the rest of my relaxing day with the family.  Why cry over spilt milk? or should I say, Why cry of SHMORGISHBORG punch????

DON'T DO IT DAD!

It was a calm, low-key Saturday until about 10 this morning.  The boys were playing in the backyard doing their normal ritual... Digging an endless hole with our grilling utensils.  You may ask why don't I buy a shovel and buckets for them?? I have countless times over again, but they prefer spatulas and sterling silver tongs...*SIGH*.  After a few minutes I take a peak outside because the normal commotion has turned a little more intense.  The first grader was being a little rougher than he should to the middle child.  Now I don't normally mind the boys playing ruff, but when I can see gritted teeth and angry eyes, I know it's time to break up the party.  I call the first grader in to go to his room and ask the hubs to take the lead on this one. 

When one of the children are getting in trouble the others like to be spectators.  (I think they are just glad it isn't them getting indited).  We try to keep them away, but sometimes forget in the chaos of all that is going on. 

-- Before the hubs takes a trip to the room to have a talk with the first grader he had been in the kitchen cutting up veggies for breakfast omelets.  (this comes into play later on in the story)--

 After a few minutes the middle child comes to me screaming in hysterics that dad is going to cut first grader's toe off.  WHAT?!?!? ofcourse you heard wrong i explain to him, but he won't let it go.  So i get up and walk to the bedroom to see what's going on. 

As i walk in to investigate (ofcourse i know toe's aren't getting cut off) I see a calm conversation going on. I ask why middle is screaming bloody murder over getting a toe cut off and the hubs looks at me funny and then laughs.  In the craziness of going to talk to the first grader, he forgot to put the knife down, so as he was giving the "talking to" he just held the knife behind his back so it wouldn't scare him.  But for the middle child who was peaking in the room to see his brother get in trouble all he saw was a knife and heard dad saying, "It isn't nice to beat up on others, especially if they are smaller than you.  That would be like me picking on you.  Would you like it if i did that?"  So in this middle child's four year old mind naturally dad would then proceed to cut off his brother's toe to prove the point. 

While we tried to console middle child and explain we would never do something like that and talk to the first grader and remind him to be nice to his brothers, we tried to keep the laughter and smiles from our faces. 

"NO DAD, DON'T DO IT!" were the screams of the middle child this morning as he pleaded for mercy on his big brother's toe, even though big brother hadn't been very nice to him that morning.... it was a sweet moment!